THE EDITOR EXCHANGES

At this juncture I thought it prudent to include the email exchanges I recently had with the Contributing Editor of a big music magazine (Think the biggest) to highlight how robust failure is more satisfying than any sort of success. Remember kids, it's not about winning and losing, it's about right and wrong.

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Dear Mark,

Thanks for your interest in writing for us. Send us up some samples, we'll look 'em over! Look forward to it.

Regards, **** {Expletive deleted}
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Dear ****,
Find enclosed a couple of samples of my work. The Pipettes/Go-Team review was published in Latest 7 magazine in Brighton, and the Ariel Pink one is fresh off the slab. I've plenty of article ideas too. Off the top of my head, what about…
Music/'Culture:
'How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Comb' (A look at the default indie haircuts du jour and my evasion of them)
'Conscripton Or Cull? How To Stop The Spread Of Mid-Table Indie-Rock'
'Beg Steal Or Borrell- The Wrong Sort of Ambition In Music'
Film:
'Why The Only Twist-Endings I Like Are The Ones You Figure Out Before They Happen'
'Trailer Trash- How The Bits Before The Films Are Better Than The Films But Getting Worse'
TV:
'Please, Shoot The Messenger: The Fall and Decline of the Art of Television Presenting'
'Spoof! How Smartarses Destroyed Telly'

Ooh. I sound more bitter than I probably feel. I'd happily write all day on all manner of filmic filth, especially the Golden Age of Hollywood: Dietrich, Grant, Hepburn K. Or maybe nobody cares about those anymore. I've recently been musing on the novels of John Irving, Gunter Grass, Serge Gainsbourg and the French, television presenters and God.

Take care, Mark
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Dear Mark,
Thanks for the ideas email you sent. Some funny stuff, and it sounds like you've got lots of ideas. Maybe too many, ha-ha. Glad you've got ideas about film, as we're short in that area. As you're interested in Indie Music, maybe we could send you to review some local bands, get a feel for your style. Maybe (big maybe this, but I'm willing to pull strings for you) even squeeze you into the Razorlight gig in London next month, but you won't get paid for that one, as everyone here is killing for tickets!

Thanks, ****
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Dear ****
If you want me to review Razorlight, I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist on getting paid. It's the least you can do in the circumstances.

Thanks, Mark
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Dear Mark,
It's funny. I can't tell when you're kidding. Think you're probably pulling my leg on this one. Ha. I'll let you know as soon as I can about the list for Razorlight. If we can't get you on it, we'll split the cost of a ticket with you. So you'll only be paying for half of a ticket. That's more than we usually do for our new writers. I'm going out on a limb for you cause I reckon you've got something!

Take care, ****
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Dear ****,
You're right, I do have something.

Don't worry about the Razorlight gig.

Mark
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Dear Mark,
Haven't heard from you in a while. Razorlight tickets are 35 squid, so if you can send us a cheque for 17.50, you're in. While we respect our writers integrity, It's important to remember that we have an interest in the career of certain bands, Razorlight included. I mean, we're not asking you to lie or anything, but criticism of Johnny should be kept to a minimum. I mean, there aren't any conspiracy theories on this, we're completely independent, and as he's one of the hottest talents around, I'm sure this won't be a problem, especially for someone who is getting in for half price! And anyway, everyone knows that negativity and anger is a refuge for those who have no talent and are jealous of others, and as you're a great little writer, I'm sure you don't need to go there!

Take care ****
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Dear ****

I do need to go there.

Mark
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Dear Mark,
As we didn't get the money, we're sending someone else down to the Razorlight gig. Shame, as I like you. Reading our correspondence back, I'm not sure if you were teasing me at certain points. It seems you might be on a bit of a high horse about this whole industry. Shame. Well, best of luck in future,
****
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